The Lightyellow Journal

The regular disclaimer: The views expressed on this website are my own and in no way reflect those of the U.S. Peace Corps or any agency of the U.S. Government.

The Entries
August to September 2004 - Getting Ready to Leave ~ October to December 2004 - Training & the Orange Revolution ~ January 2005 - Arrival in Chernomorskoe ~ February 2005 - Settling In ~ March 2005 ~ May 2005 ~ September and October 2005 ~ January 2006 - Bird Flu and Other Stories ~ February 2006 - On the Train ~ September 2006 - Final Projects ~ November 2006 - The End

September and October 2005

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Yeah, yeah...I know already...

And actually I'm not going to post anything today, either, but I promise I'll update soon! I just want to tell you all that I've put up a new (if currently minimal) picture page, and also that the picture of me on the me page is updated. And I'll get you all up to date on my actual life and all that soon....

Monday, October 10, 2005

Finally!

The other day I had an epiphany. I was writing a letter to a friend, trying to describe the difficulties of getting back into the school mindset, when I realized—oh!—that my greatest impact here is going to fall outside the structure of any school-mandated curriculum. I am not going to be a miracle teacher, revolutionizing the classroom and giving English like some gift to the kids in my classes. What was I thinking? I can’t expect to change the whole educational system wholesale.

No. I’ve always known this, of course, but only now am I really beginning to accept that my primary influence is outside the classroom. This is a powerful realization: I must shift my focus, change how I set and evaluate my goals. I need to look for ways to connect with people—teachers and pupils—through after school programs.

This is a strange awakening after my 3 months of freedom. The summer passed in a blinding flash of English, friends, travel, and summer camps. It doesn’t seem quite real, more like a daydream that I imagined up in a long break between classes.

* * *

The writing of this journal entry has been interrupted by a really bad and horribly frustrating week. All children are monsters. Teaching is the worst thing ever and I'm awful at it. All my lesson plans are doomed to failure and boredom. And to top it all off, it's getting cold and all my fall clothes are ugly and don't fit right.

Now that the week is thankfully over, we return you to your regularly scheduled Journal entry.

* * *

The strangest thing of all about coming back to school is how nothing has changed. I came back thinking, "I just need to be firm." But still no one could tell me anything definite. Even now I am not considered a "real teacher"--no one thinks of me when they make the schedule, my classes at the beginning of the year all conflicted. (Mostly fixed now.) I can have "anything I want," but still the master schedule hasn't changed. Communicating with teachers and administrators brings a string of laters and tomorrows, promises but no results. Progress comes only with acceptance that this is just the way things are, and I must work within the structure I am presented with. My powers of manipulation are limited. I must work within the program. So. Epiphany.

I work around. I target those who will meet me outside the program. My debate team: those are the kids I have made connections with. (Beautiful, sunny Katya. Outgoing "President" Ruslan. Clever Anya, who always surprises me. Shy, hardworking Kolya, determined Losha. Anya, Diana, Andrei, Timour, Artom, and all the others who have joined our group this year. These are the kids I know I can open windows for.)

So my new goal is: to find more ways to communicate with my pupils outside of "school." I want to offer extra classes after school, where I can take the topic they are studying and expand on it. Give fresh vocabulary, fluent dialogues--not the awkward, antiquated stuff that is in their textbooks and on their standardized exams. Two classes a week, I think. We'll see how it goes, and who attends.

So my general state of mind right now is fairly positive. (Especially after a long weekend to recover from last week's horribleness.) I've been keeping pretty busy, and things are slowly getting into gear.